Harry Potter and the Regular Student
by catcanwrite
Summary: "Harry Potter has pretty much been continually sabotaging my education since the beginning." I couldn't resist writing this. Just a normal student trying to study at Hogwarts, but Harry Potter keeps getting in the way. Don't take it too seriously.


_**Probably been done before, since I've seen a million tumblr posts about it, but I just had to. I really don't care about inaccuracies, I'm not exactly treating this as serious writing.**_

I've never really had a whole lot to say about myself. I guess you'd just call me your typical Hogwarts student. I work hard, do magic, try to pass my exams, and one day I hope to get a job in the Ministry of Magic.

Also, I fucking hate Harry James Potter.

I remember the first time I ever saw the bastard. I was on the Hogwarts Express, and starving hungry. My Mum had forgotten to pack my sandwich, so I was really fucking looking forward to buying some chocolate frogs. When the Trolley Lady came by, I almost jumped out of my seat to get her attention.

"Excuse me, ma'am," I asked, beaming, "could I buy a couple of chocolate frogs?"

"Sorry dear," she squinted at me. "But I've just had a particularly large request from another first year lad, so I'm afraid we're all out."

Okay, I know what you're thinking. Who the hell could clear out the trolley in one single order? Harry Potter, that's who. But nevertheless, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. He was the Boy Who Lived, right? He deserved another chance.

Boy, was I mistaken. Harry Potter has pretty much been continually sabotaging my education since the beginning.

In our first year, he managed to weasel his way on to the Gryffindor Quidditch team, in spite of the fact that first years weren't even supposed to own a fucking broomstick. My brother was in seventh year, and he'd tried out for Seeker every year without fail. But, by all means, give it to the guy who's never even seen a broom before.

Second year: he almost exposed the entire wizarding world because he felt like driving a fucking flying car to school. Like, how did he even know how to do that? And then he started setting a fucking giant snake on people. And yes, I know that _technically _isn't what happened but you have to admit: that Parsletongue thing was creepy as hell.

And who could forget the year he lured a mass murderer to the school? Not to mention a pack of dementors with him. If Hogwarts was the 'safest place in the world' during third year, then I'm a fucking Hippogriff. And then there was a rumour he helped him escape, which is just delightful.

Then there was the Triwizard Tournament. The one year my house, Hufflepuff, had a chance for a bit of glory with Cedric Diggory. But wow, what a fucking surprise, Harry comes as a _fourth entrant _in the _Tri_wizard Tournament and steals all the glory. And I don't really understand what went down in that maze, but not only did he emerge victorious, but Cedric ended up dead. Which is not at all suspicious.

And in fifth year he brought it upon himself to start a whole fucking rebel group, inadvertently putting every non-Slytherin student under scrutiny from Umbridge and Co. And what kind of name is Dumbledore's Army anyway? The fuck? Has this guy not put you in every possible danger, Harry? Why is Dumbledore so obsessed with this one student, anyway? I was just trying to get through my O. , a little encouragement from our headmaster might have been nice. But whatever. And then there's the fact that the fucking Dark Lord came back, and suddenly our entire school was under threat, all because of this one student that happened to piss Voldemort off that one time.

Then there's sixth year. Everything was actually going pretty smoothly, for a change, excluding the fact that the constant threat of death was all around us thanks to Harry Potter. That's until an entire mob of Death Eaters were lead in by that prick Draco and Dumbledore ended up being killed. And now Snape's our headmaster? What a fucking joke. And of course Harry Potter was there, surprise surprise.

But this year I was hopeful. Word had gotten around on the Hogwarts Express that Harry and his friends (I didn't really know their names, I just called them the Ginger and the Frizzy-Haired One) were off hunting Voldemort or some shit. Maybe our school would be left alone for a change.

Suddenly, the air turned cold. Death Eaters climbed aboard the train. We all began muttering amongst ourselves. What the hell was going on?

"Hey losers," Longbottom stood up. "He's not here."

Harry Fucking Potter.


End file.
